Issues

.:* Sorry i haven't written in two days...
Banish anxiety from your mind, and put away pain from your body... Ecclesiastes 11:10

Okay, so a little different today, i am starting off with the bible verse. In Eccl., King Solomon, who is also the writer of this book, writes about what he sees 'under the sun', and how everything is 'vainity and a chasing of wind.' this is a time when Solomon is having a difficult time in his life trusting that the Lord our God will be there for him. he is talking mainly about a life without God and how unfulfilling it is, and how earthly things can't replace what God has to offer, which lasts forever.
I was told to read this book of the Bible by my friend two or three days ago when i was going through some things... I have an issue, this issue, as i am calling it, started in 11th grade. my mom found out about it and talked to me, and i got better, but a few days ago, this issue reared it's ugly head back into my life... i didn't want to tell my mom, cause i am at college and i don't want her to worry about me, so i turned to bff and she told me that Solomon was going through some issues, and they were recorded in Eccl, and this should help me... this verse was the one that spoke to me the most...
If you have worries ignore them, God will carry your burdens for you... Any pain, God will take that away, if you let him surround you in his love...

As i said previously, i have been having issues the last week... it all started when my roomie got engaged... i hate love, i've never been in it, and as much as i want to be in it, i don't... don't get me wrong, i am happy for her, but something inside me, aka my heart, starts to ache when i see a guy and a girl walking together... i get depressed... me depressed isn't fun to see or watch or be around even... i get happy, then instantaneously sad, and then happy, then sad... i am one bipolar mess... then my issue kicks in... i get mad, i shake from holding back tears i want to cry and then i reach for it, they are right there a drawer opened away, and i reach for them... 1 isn't good enough, so i do another and another, until it stops, the pain fades, but my heart breaks and tears rule me... my friend told me to put them away away so i can't get them so easily... so far so good, i hope... other than that lg...
um oh yes, i am transfering to NCCC because it is cheaper, and i'll be at home, i can get a job in the billions of places that there are and i'll be at home... but i have a fear, a fear that ppl will think i am a failure... my friends support me and so does my family... they say it is a smart move and i just pray that this is what God wants me to do and that it is all in his hands... deep breaths... tomorrow i have to go and get Houghton to send a transcript to NCCC which should be fun!!! yay!!! and i have to talk to my advisor sometime... woot woot! :( but yeah, i gots to keep my head straight and lean on God, he'll get me through...

Dreams Awaken

Through the mist he cometh forth with no age
Bringing with him mem’ries of old, I’ve changed
He awakens my aged heart and my youth regain
With feelings that once again return within his presence
Whence he cometh forth my heart races, burns, and beats
And tears spring from mine eye in rejoicing
I forgot how to breathe

Whence he cometh forth and steals my soul and heart
I breathe no more for fear I dream to sweetly
His kisses soft as the red, red rose he hands me
But as the truth doth hurt the thorns prick me
And I cry out in pain for my heartbreaks
The pieces fall to the ground and shatter once again
The world spins and I’m lost

Through the mist my love didst come bearing the rose
And through that very mist he leaveth me taking my heart
He fades into the mist no more to return
As I stand here the mem’ries I briefly recall with him flee
My mind knows no comprehension of what I felt
My age returns, my heart’s pieces are together once more
And I finally may breathe for he’s gone

Okay, i wrote this a while ago and i love it... it shows how someone can act when the one they truely love is around... they forget their troubles and they remeber and cherish the joyous times... then he leaves or dies and her burdens return, and her world is real again, she can breathe... sweet sweet love, where art thou???

Until next time...*:.